As found on Reddit. Kids are awesome.
Crazy for cupcakes
“Kid (4 year old): I want a cupcake
Kid: I want a cupcake, please?
Kid: Whispers If you give me a cupcake I won’t cut your neck.
“‘Daddy, remember that time we died?'”
“‘So I shouldn’t throw him in the fire?’
3 year old daughter holding her baby brother for the first time.'”
“When my 2.5 year old and her friends were hanging out, the topic of T-Rex and other dinos came up.
I asked her friend: ‘If you were a T-Rex, what would you do for fun?’
He answered: I’d chase herbivores!
I then asked my daughter this question: ‘If you were a T-Rex, what would you eat?’
She got very serious and looked me right in the eyes and said:
‘Children. I’d eat children.'”
Don’t turn around
” ‘Go back to sleep, there isn’t anything under your bed.’
‘He’s behind you now.’
Still haven’t gotten over that one and shiver at the memory.”